My Children Only Contact Me When They Need Money or Help

My Children Only Contact Me When They Need Money or Help - I Feel Used, Not Loved. How Do I Deal with This Emotional Pain?

Published: October 28, 2025

The Email

I am a 68-year-old father. These days, my children rarely call or visit. When they do, it is usually because they need financial help, assistance with something, or guidance during a problem. But once they get what they want, they disappear again. They do not check how I am doing, whether I am healthy, or even if I need emotional support. I feel like an ATM machine or a service provider, not a parent.

I never expected anything in return for what I gave them, but I always believed that at least emotional connection would remain. Instead, I now feel like I am valued only for what I can give, not for who I am. How do I cope with the pain of feeling used by my own children? How do I protect my heart from this emotional exploitation?

A Parent Feeling Unloved

Understanding Emotional Exploitation

It is painful when your children look at you as a source of benefit rather than a source of love. This is a growing reality in many families where emotional bonds have been replaced by transactional interactions.

How This Affects the Parent’s Heart

You feel unwanted unless you are needed
You begin doubting your own worth
You start questioning your entire life’s sacrifice
You feel emotionally drained and abandoned

Being needed is not the same as being loved. True love values your presence, not your resources.

How to Protect Your Emotional Health

Step 1 - Recognize the Pattern Without Blaming Yourself

Your love was pure. Do not question your parenting. If others choose transactional behavior, it reflects their emotional maturity, not your success as a parent.

Step 2 - Set Healthy Emotional and Financial Boundaries

You can support your children, but not at the cost of your dignity or peace.

Say:

“I am happy to help, but I also need emotional connection. I would appreciate if we stay in touch beyond just need-based calls.”

Step 3 - Stop Offering Unconditional Financial Assistance Automatically

Instead of immediate help, create boundaries:

Encourage independence
Offer support only when genuinely necessary
Create agreements rather than silent sacrifices

Step 4 - Rebuild Emotional Fulfilment Outside the Parent-Child Relationship

Connect with peers
Engage in community service
Join spiritual or social groups
Give your love to people who value your presence

Just because your children do not appreciate you today, it does not mean your love is wasted. It simply means it is time to redirect your love towards your own heart and others who value it.

Step 5 - Practice Emotional Detachment with Compassion

Emotional detachment does not mean lack of love. It means:

Loving without expecting emotional return
Protecting your heart from constant disappointment
Being present but not dependent on their acknowledgment

Final Thought

A parent’s love is eternal, but a parent’s heart also deserves peace. You have given your life to your children - now life is asking you to give some love to yourself.

You are not just a provider; you are a human being deserving respect, love, and emotional care.

Tags: Help for Heart, Elderly Neglect, Emotional Exploitation, Parent-Child Relationship, Inner Peace

If You Feel Used or Emotionally Hurt

You are welcome to write confidentially to kovaiyellowpages@gmail.com. You will be heard with respect and compassion.

Disclaimer

The content in this article is intended solely for emotional awareness, self-reflection, and general guidance. It should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health, medical, legal, or financial advice. Every individual’s situation is unique, and decisions should be made with the help of qualified professionals. The stories or letters published may be adapted or anonymized for privacy and educational purposes. If you are experiencing severe emotional distress, thoughts of self-harm, or crisis, please seek immediate help from a licensed professional or contact emergency services.